Understanding Trauma and Healing the Heart

When tragedy strikes, it’s as though the world has tilted off its axis. We feel it deep in our gut, a visceral reaction that tells us something is profoundly wrong. It’s not fair—how could this happen? These questions echo in our minds, especially when the loss is so stark and unimaginable, like the pain of losing someone young, full of potential, and just starting their story.

This is for those moments when the weight of loss feels unbearable and healing seems impossible. For those of us grappling with grief and the aftermath of trauma, understanding how our biology responds can offer both clarity and a path forward.

The Biology of Trauma Trauma isn’t just an emotional or psychological wound; it’s deeply physical. When we experience something tragic, our body’s stress response kicks in, flooding us with cortisol and adrenaline. These chemicals prime us for survival, heightening focus and awareness. But in situations of profound grief, this survival mode can feel like an unrelenting storm, keeping us in a state of hyperawareness and emotional vulnerability.

Our gut is deeply connected to our emotions. Trauma can trigger gut neurons, impacting digestion, appetite, and the butterflies or heaviness we feel during emotional distress. This connection doesn’t just explain the physical sensations of grief but underscores how our entire body is intertwined with our feelings.

But grief doesn’t just leave us with a physiological response; it reshapes our neural pathways. Our body processes the shock, pain, and disbelief as it tries to reconcile this new reality. And in this process of remapping, we often cycle through emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, and even numbness, each affecting us on cellular and biochemical levels.

Riding the Tides of Grief I’ve faced my share of loss. The passing of my father, when I was young, was the kind of pain that doesn’t just shatter the heart; it fractures the spirit. His choice not to have a funeral left me adrift, unable to fully grieve or find closure. I realize now that I still struggle with communal rituals of mourning, it feels like his passing was quietly tucked away, leaving parts of my grief unprocessed.

More recently, tragedies close to me have rekindled this pain, waking the old wounds of the hardest times in my life. Times when I was broken and unsure of how to move forward. Times when knowing others were struggling profoundly, often in silence, felt like carrying the collective pain of my community.

Grief, especially when it’s abrupt and senseless, has a way of turning life upside down. It’s the kind of experience that makes you question everything—what matters, why try, why move on? Guilt often follows when time brings slight relief, when we remember how to smile, laugh, and move forward. This duality of pain and healing is one of grief’s cruelest paradoxes.

But I’ve realized, and what I hope resonates with anyone who feels lost right now. The love we carry for those we lose never disappears. Their energy, their spirit, it lives on. It’s in the passion they ignited in us, the legacy of shared experiences and mutual care. And though the pain of losing them is profound, we carry them with us every time we choose to live with purpose, love without hesitation, and honor their memory in our own way.

A Path to Healing Healing doesn’t come all at once. It’s not a straight line, nor is it a predictable path. Instead, it’s a series of small choices, small actions, taken day by day. Here are some ways I’ve found to move forward, even in the heaviest of times:

• Find Purpose Again: Loss often strips life of its meaning. To take the first steps toward healing, rediscover what brings you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s a personal goal or helping others, purpose is an anchor in the storm.
• Count the Blessings You Still Have: Grief amplifies what’s gone, but sometimes healing comes from focusing on what remains. Reflect on those who love and support you. Lean into these connections, and remember that you are not alone.
• Take Care of Your Body Grief: often drives us into cycles of poor health. Sleeping in, avoiding movement, eating comfort foods, or escaping through substances can spiral us down further. Healing needs the opposite. Get up early and witness the sunrises. Go for a walk and connect with nature. Fuel your body with nourishing foods.
• Focus on Mental Wellness: Talk to someone. Whether it’s a mental health professional, a trusted friend, or a support group, sharing your thoughts can ease the weight. Follow mental well-being practices like mindfulness, meditation, or breathing exercises to steady your mind.
• Find Comfort in Impermanence: Life’s impermanence is both its tragedy and its beauty. Nothing lasts forever, but this also means our pain is not permanent. Take solace in knowing that while energy transforms, it is never destroyed. The love, the spirit, the essence of those we’ve lost remain a part of the universe, flowing in ways we don’t fully understand.

The Comfort of Connection

To me, the healing process is about connection. Connection to the memories of the ones we’ve lost, to our family and friends, and, most importantly, to ourselves. It’s not about burying the pain or pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s about acknowledging it, sitting with it, and then choosing to honor the people we’ve lost by living the life they would have wanted for us.

When I think of my father, I don’t dwell solely on his passing. I think of his laugh, the lessons he taught me, and the way he expressed love. I know he’d want me to live fully, not be confined by grief but inspired by the love we shared.

For those struggling, please know this. There’s no roadmap; no “right” way to grieve. But there is a way forward. Step by step. Day by day. Find what heals you, and lean into it. Remember your loved ones in the vibrant moments of life, and trust that their energy, their essence, continues in ways we can’t yet comprehend.

Hold onto hope. And if hope is hard to find, trust that simply living life with eye’s open will see it return. Tragedy certainly transforms us and new paths to go down will reveal themselves. Still it’s up to us to choose the right paths. Paths that honour those we love.

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed.”

You aren’t alone in your grief and sometimes find peace when considering the basic laws of nature. All life, their spirit, our spirits, our essences, our energy, it must flow. No doubts, there is surely transformation and continuation.

“In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.” — Howard Thurman

Wishes for healing hearts…